In the land of sharing infinity, there’s bound to be a post or two that annoys the ever-living crap out of your online friends. Much like nails on the chalkboard, these social media trends cause others to cringe, ignore, and unfriend their way through a newsfeed.

10. Exercise Updates

Whether you’ve linked your fit app to social media or are posting a billion pictures of you and your friends in matching 5K outfits, please stop. We don’t need to know how many miles you’ve ran each day, or how colorful your outfit became after the next-biggest-trend doused you in neon dye. It may have been tolerable the first time around, but much like the giant wayfarer, if you’ve seen one pair of obnoxious wanabees, you’ve seen them all.

9. The Humblebrag

peewee herman humblebragEnough with the woe-is-me/I’m awesome juxtapositions. No more, “Ugh I partied so hard I can’t get my homework done,” or “Not feeling well, luckily I’ve got my wonderful girlfriend to take care of me” posts. Not only is it TMI, it’s clearly an opportunity to whine and brag all in a single status update. Save the creativity for art class, kids.

8. Vague/Ominous Statuses

If it requires an explanation, it doesn’t belong online. These “Can this really happen to me?” and “I’m in awe” posts beg for an entire page of follow-up text. It’s an outright cry for attention. (The same goes for random song lyrics.) Either tell us the whole story or don’t post it at all – consider it social media’s golden rule.

7. The “Skinny” Arm

This “pose that makes you look thinner” is no longer a secret. So stop doing it in every picture. Unless you’re posed by a professional sorority photographer, it’s an unnatural, teapot-ish stance. Try something original next time, like the Egyptian or the Home Alone.

6. Self Photos

What’s with all the vanity? Do you look so incredibly amazing that, because there’s no one around, you need to document said look? Actually accomplishing something is one thing (climbing a mountain, lugging two carry-ons and a stroller from one end of O’Hare to the other and still arriving on time), but the mirror, duck face, and self  close-ups are well past their expiration dates.

5. Linked Accounts/Random Checkins

We all know Facebook isn’t the only social media site you use, but it can be the only place you share certain info. No more Instagram/Twitter/LinkedIn/FourSquare checkin shares; they clog up our feeds. It doesn’t matter where you’ve been, who you’re with, or what photo effect you used on updates outside of Facebook – and if we do care, we’ll follow that account, too.

4. Too Many Hashtagstwitter-hashtags

Two is enough, folks. Three+ hashtags makes content hard to read, and only creates repetitive tags. It’s like the spam SEO of social media – the more tags, the more likely users think it will be for others to find them. True or not, it creates a muddled mess in the process. Start skimming with the hashtags; your followers will thank you.

3. The Couples’ Account

Facebook doesn’t allow an ampersand for a name for a reason – accounts are made for one person. When you’re joined by “N” or “and,” it’s confusing and makes online couples look like a Siamese blob. Which one of you commented? Who graduated from that school? Are you talking about yourself in the third person or did you post about your honey? Save us all some time and keep the shared account for the banks.

2. The No Response

Facebook tells us when private messages are read. If you don’t answer them, we know when you saw them, and how long you’re choosing to not respond. Every day it’s ruder and ruder, until you just don’t respond at all, and then we hate you forever.

1. Name Changes

The full name thing is weird. Did Facebook come out with a SAG-like policy where only one person is assigned to a single name? It’s no longer the 90s, where actors like Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Tiffani Amber Thiessen rule our ceiling space; let’s bring this trend into the 2010s – Tiffani Thiessen did it. It’s even more ridiculous when people completely change their names, forcing others to creep through photos to find the account owner. Unless you’re willing to take it to the courthouse and file a legal claim, it’s not Facebook ready.
Cover photo courtesy Catspyjamasnz.